“I am one less individual self-medicating the pain away”

One of my Buddhist mentors in life says that the destiny of one human being, that is one human being changing themselves for the better – can change the world and the destiny of humankind. What if we could all learn to love ourselves?  What kind of world would we be living in then?  Thanks to the work of the Modern Mystery School International I am one less individual self-medicating the pain away, and instead I am thriving, growing, and showing others the way to find self-love and a joyful existence.

This mystery school holds tools that if used, ensure people can learn to love and know themselves as powerful, creating the life they want to live. Getting these tools to people is a life saving mission. It is so vital and important that I was willing to make it my own mission, and as a result, I know more joy now than ever. I can’t imagine a better, more fulfilling purpose to have in life.

I did not always think this way. I had severe anxiety and an eating disorder. In my twenties, although I found a Buddhist meditation practice that helped me overcome my eating disorder, I still needed marijuana and other coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety and fear that pervaded my life.  I used academics and achievement to find a safe distanced form of acceptance in the world. It was my substitute for the love and connection I desired but was too afraid to reach for.  Growing up, I watched my grandmother drink herself to death in the shadow of her abusive husband, I watched my father and aunts and uncles drown their sorrows in the bottle. The role models I had for living life reflected toxic relationships whose pain was managed through the self-medication of alcohol or drugs. When I found Buddhism, I found for the first time people who managed stress, worry and fear with active meditation and hope. Hope, not as wishful thinking, but as an active thing.

I was a practicing Buddhist when I found the Mystery School (I still am) in my early 30s. But when I decided to take the Empower Thyself class and initiation I did so because I had plateaued in my practice and I needed something to push myself beyond my comfort zone and grow. Even after over a decade of Buddhist practice and achieving generalized “success” in life, I was still struggling to find meaning and a form of joy beyond the next party or recreational pharmaceutical adventure. I had a string of unfulfilling and codependent relationships and was seeking something to heal my chronically broken heart.  When I heard about the 10-month Kabbalah program in my Empower Thyself class – I knew I had to do it. My heart cried for me to try it. So I did, and as soon as I stepped onto the path of self-discovery every step I took on it pushed me beyond what I thought I could do before. The work I did in Kabbalah, the healing I experienced in Healer’s Academy 1 and 2 (learning how to be of service of service to myself and others), and the discipline and discernment I have gained from the Ritual Master path are priceless to me – and they broke down all of the fortress walls I built around myself, freeing me from false convention and fears.

Today I embrace failing forward, I had the courage to launch my own law firm, my own consulting company, to be a podcast host and an author, to be my most authentic self in all contexts. I am abundant. I am thriving, not surviving, and it does not require any type of medication. I simply use the tools I learned on this path working with the Mystery School, and I continue to meditate and walk that path every single day. One foot in front of the other. I no longer have any generalized anxiety. Fear does not stop me from engaging in my dreams, from relating with others, from seeking rewarding and loving relationships.  

But most importantly, this work has taught me how to love and respect myself.  And this true form of self-love I gained directly from my participation in the mystery school. I know this love is a life saving instrument. Now, it did not come instantly overnight, or from one class or one healing – but it did come through continuing on and engaging with this path and all of the amazing teachers and healings on it.  Life Activation, Empower Thyself, Kabbalah, Healers Academy, Ritual Master, King Salomon Healing series, becoming a Guide – I’ve invested myself in the work and it is paying me back 1000 fold.  I had a lot of substance abuse and generational trauma to heal – but the mystery school gave me the discipline and tools to build the muscle known as Love Thyself and Know Thyself such that I am now completely in love with me and my life. So much so that I chose to be a Guide in this schools so I can help other people find this path and learn how to love themselves as well.